Introducing Eve — Life In The Middle

I haven’t posted in a long time. Teaching gets busy and sometimes I don’t think I really have anything to say. But as the year wraps up it is time to talk again. This year has been different. I was told this class was “difficult” to put it kindly. I like the “difficult” kids. They are usually just misunderstood. Most of these kids just need some love and some structure. They need the boundaries but they have to be given with kindness. If you are too hard on them you lose them and they give it right back to you. Today I will introduce you to one such student. A “difficult” kid who I happen to love. For our purposes, her name is Eve.

Eve is a complex girl. She is strong, intelligent, creative, and funny. She is also sometimes cruel, inappropriate, and disrespectful. That second set of adjectives are a defense. At some point in her life she learned not to trust people. She learned that it is better to keep them away, by any means necessary, than to trust. As a result she developed this tough exterior and has developed quite a reputation to go with it. When I learned Eve would be in my class I knew about her reputation and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I try to give all kids a clean slate in my class, so I treated her accordingly. Within two weeks of school starting she was proving her reputation. She didn’t respect me or her classmates but worse, she didn’t respect herself. I kept a level head with her and she continued to press on...trying to show her every day that I cared. One day she took things too far and had to be sent out. I was angry, I won’t lie, but I knew I had to be careful in my approach. Her other teachers just yell and send her away...I couldn’t do that. I wanted to win this one over, so my response here was critical. When I talked to Eve outside I asked her if she understood why I’d sent her out. She stared at me. I explained that not only was her behavior highly inappropriate, it was disruptive to the class as a whole. She gave a weak, “Okay, sorry.” That “sorry” would do for now. I pushed further. “Eve” I asked, “You portray yourself in a very specific way but I don’t think that is who you are. Is that who you are?” She stared at me...sizing me up...trying to figure me out...deciding if she could trust me. “Is this who you really are, Eve?” The stare softened. “No.” I asked her why she chose to portray herself in this way and she explained that this is what everyone thinks of her and the way everyone treats her so she might as well give them what they want. My heart broke. This girl was so young and she’d already given up but in this moment she was allowing me to see a glimpse of who she really is. She had given me some trust...I had to be careful. I looked at Eve and told her who I saw. I told her that she is smart, creative, strong, and beautiful. I told her she was too strong and independent to let other people decide who she would be. I told her that if she wanted to, she could change and let people see the real Eve...an Eve she could be proud of. She stared at me with tears in her eyes. “Why do you care?” The question, which I’ve heard so many times, broke my heart again. “Because I see you, Eve. I care about you and you deserve it.” Then, to my great surprise, she hugged me, thanked me, and asked if she could be allowed to go back into my class. This all happened about a month and a half into school.

After this first real encounter with Eve, everything changed in my class. She started paying attention, participating, even volunteered to debate (and absolutely crushed it). She started greeting me every day when she walked in and saying goodbye when she left. She would even tell other students to be quiet if they were being disruptive. Other students started asking me what was going on. How did I get Eve to behave in my class when she is so bad in all the others? My answer was always the same...I cared.

As this school year comes to a close, Eve has an A in my class...which she has had all year. She has changed so much. She is more confident and willing to share her intellect, rather than her inappropriateness. When I assigned our final project she had the option to work in a group or alone. She chose to work alone. The assignment was to reflect on the year and pull out the life lessons we’ve learned from studying and from being in our class together. She made a story book. I was anxious to hear what she had written. Presentation day came and Eve was eager to share her story. So what lessons did she learn? You can get farther by being respectful than you can by being disrespectful and rude. I am somebody. I can do something good with my life. People matter. We are all somebody. As I listened to Eve read her story tears welled up in my eyes. This girl. This strong, capable, valuable, girl was finally beginning to see what I’d seen all along. She was, and is, starting to see her value. This one blew me away. This one touched my heart in a way that changed me. This girl will go so far and I can hardly wait to see what she does.

I will never forget Eve.